Randy Marks The Spot
by Jet556
Summary: Featuring all your favourite characters. Pirates! A musical number! Weird moments that will make you question what you're reading! All this in a dream, Niall Warburton has when he lands on his head after being hit by a basketball! Sail across the seas with Randy, Howard and Niall as they are pursued by Bash, Bucky and Ken on an adventure to find buried treasure of the best kind!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome everyone. Another dream story! With musical numbers! Yay! Enjoy.**

**Psychotic Older Brother**

Robert Warburton was, no debate about it, a psycho. Throughout elementary school he'd spend his free time killing small animals. Now that he was in high school he spent his time either hitting on girls who wanted nothing to do with him, which was all girls, or tormenting his younger brother Niall.

Coming from a family that favored the firstborn child and nearly ignored the second born, Robert had been treated better than Niall. He'd never been hit by their mom because she had a bad day.

Life was good for Robert, for Niall not so much.

Almost and hour after being saved by Bash of all people, Niall was spending a spare walking through the halls. He could have gone to the library to read but the book he was looking for, "Rogues in the House", wasn't in the library. He probably had a mental disability since there were other books to read but the library didn't have that one book.

Coming to the stairs at the front of the school, Niall gave a happy sigh. The school's entrance was a truly beautiful place. What did he care Robert had tried to kill him? Robert was in gym right now so he wouldn't try to kill Niall now!

"_So Robert isn't allowed to kill me in the house is he? That can work to my advantage." _Thought Niall. _"Just got to get him mad enough to try and kill me without it looking like an accident in public. I might be a pacifist but it doesn't mean I can't be a trickster, a good one, when it's required."_

Suddenly a basketball hit Niall in the back of the head! The impact sent Niall over the railing and falling down to the floor below.

Niall landed on his head but thankfully due to strong bones, despite being thinner than Randy, his neck did not break. Not that the person who had thrown the basketball knew Niall wasn't dead.

It had been Robert. He made it seem like Niall had fallen without pushing his little brother.

"Ninja can't be everywhere." Muttered Robert. "Thank goodness for that." Picking up the basketball he returned to gym. For all he knew he had finally killed Niall.

He hadn't.

Not now! Not ever!


	2. Chapter 2

**Welome back everyone. This is my first song fic so go easy on me. The song "Comedy Tonight" is from "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum." Enjoy and review.**

**A Comedy Tonight**

Niall Warburton's unconscious subconscious presents a Niall Warburton dream. "Randy Marks the Spot."

_Something Familiar_

_Something Peculiar_

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight!_

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. The seagulls were seagulling. The pirates were gloating about their plunder.

_Something Appealing_

_Something Appalling_

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight!_

And today, the crew of the Two Live Shoobs Plus One was looking at their loot from a Spanish merchant vessel. The crew consisted of Randy Cunningham, Howard Weinerman and Niall Warburton. Thankfully, their ship was the kind that only required three people to sail it.

_Nothing for Kings_

_Nothing for Crowns_

_Bring on the Lovers, Liars and Clowns!_

_Old Situation_

_New Complication_

_Nothing Portentous or Polite_

_Tragedy Tomorrow_

_Comedy Tonight_

Randy and Howard were dividing their loot, with Niall getting his equal share for steering toe ship. Niall was actually taking a walk, not really caring what he got just as long as he got the same amount as Randy and Howard.

_Something Convulsive_

_Something Repulsive _

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight_

This was a good port for pirates. For the crew of the Two Live Shoobs Plus One especially since Randy and Niall would give some of their share away to the locals.

_Something Esthetic_

_Something Frenetic_

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight_

Niall enjoyed hearing the conversations of the people in town. Although he never joined in he really did like to hear them.

_Nothing of Gods_

_Nothing of Fate_

_Weighty affairs will just have to Wait_

And then Niall heard something bizarre! He heard Heidi, Howard's sister say "Bash and his crew seem to have gotten clean away with Godzilla."

_Something Erratic _

_Something Dramatic_

_Something for Everyone _

_A Comedy Tonight_

Was Heidi saying someone was crazy enough to steal Godzilla from Monster Island? This blew Niall's mind on so many levels!

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight_

First of all, how Bash Johnson and his crew of two, which consisted of Bucky Hensletter and Ken Finlayson, capture Godzilla?

_Something Familiar_

_Something Peculiar_

_Something for Everyone_

_A Comedy Tonight_

Second, why was anyone not from the Japan area concerned that Godzilla was stolen from Monster Island?

_Something that's Gaudy_

_Something that's Bawdy_

_Something for Everybawdy's Taste_

_Pantaloons and Tunics!_

_Courtesans and Eunuchs!_

_Funerals and Chases!_

_Baritones and Bases!_

_Panderers!_

_Philanderers!_

_Cupidity!_

_Timidity!_

_Mistakes!_

_Fakes!_

_Rhymes!_

_Mimes!_

_Tumblers!_

_Grumblers!_

_Fumblers!_

_Bumblers!_

_No Royal Curse!_

_No Trojan Horse!_

_And there's a Happy Ending!_

_Of Course!_

_Goodness and Badness_

_Man in his Madness_

_This time it all turns out Alright_

_Tragedy Tomorrow_

_Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy, Comedy Tonight!_

Did anyone remember that Godzilla was always attacking Japan? Didn't that make him Japan's problem?

Third, if they were living in the time of Blackbeard why in the holy mother of Juice was there a giant reptile that wouldn't appear until 1954?

Fourth, a burlaps sack. Bash and his crew carried things and even hostages around in burlaps sacks that could fit a medium sized treasure chest at the largest. Godzilla was about one hundred and sixty four feet tall so there was no way he'd fit inside a juicing burlaps sack!


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome back everyone. Another reference to an immensely popular show made with flash. No song this time. Enjoy and review.**

**Tazelwurm Mask**

Niall sat down in his room trying to make sense of what he had heard. It was obvious that Heidi had misheard because even Bash wasn't so stupid it was to the point of being suicidal.

Looking over at his bed, Niall's eyes widened at the weirdest thing he ever saw.

There was a girl in Niall's bed. Not a girl he knew well. Just one he had known the name of but never really been good friends with her. She was pretty but to Niall all girls were pretty.

Now there was a wolf in a boat on the bed. Why was it there?

Now it was just the head of a wolf! Why was there was a floating head of a wolf next to Niall's bed?

Niall turned around and there was a rainbow colored Camillio Martinez standing in front of him. Well, this was certainly the highlight of this dream.

"Now, you've done!" commented Cam. "Now, you've really done it!" Then Cam was no longer rainbow colored but in his regular coloration. "How could you forget the name of this Chiquita?" And then Cam was wearing a Red Tazelwurm mask and floating upside down in the air. "I've guided a lot of people through this dream but this is-"

Niall then turned to look at the person reading this story. He was in as much shock as the reader. He must have been if he could look at the reader!

"A juicing tazelwurm mask!" Niall looked at the sight that was an upside down Camillio Martinez wearing a red tazelwurm mask while levitating. He then looked back at the reader. "An upside down, juicing, tazelwurm mask!"

Now there were three explanations for this.

One… No, there is no way to explain this. Its just madness and breaking of the fourth wall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Sailing for Adventure**

So now Randy, Howard and Niall were setting forth for buried treasure with Bash, Bucky and Ken after the same treasure? When did this happen? It was a dream. Better not to question it.

As they sailed, Niall continued to think about that girl. Who was she? Why didn't he remember her?

Poor Niall was completely unaware that he had a crush on two girls. One he knew well, the other he could barely even remember. The one he knew well had a crush on another guy who had a crush on her, which would leave Niall with no love.

Niall attention then switched to Howard pulling a pork chop out of a cannon ball. He then proceeded to eat it.

Who in their right mind would eat a pork chop they found in a cannon ball? It must have been juicing dirty!

Niall's thoughts then returned to the ones of his heart. Who was that other girl? Quite possibly someone his brain had pushed to the back of his mind when his crush on Theresa started.

But what was her name? Could Niall rip his heart in two?


	5. Chapter 5

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Howard and a Goat?**

It was a long way to the island where this buried treasure was located. Niall was bored. Theresa Fowler had come along but she was spending a lot of time with Randy.

Niall wasn't surprised that Theresa was spending a lot of time with Randy. What he was surprised about was that Randy kept saying "What the…"

"What the…"

"What the…"

"What the…"

What was he going to say? 'What the juice?'

Today, Niall's mind wasn't on what Randy was going to say. He was looking at Howard and a goat.

Now, they kept goats on the ship to get milk and make cheese from it. The job of milking the goats and making the cheese was Niall's, so naturally he was curious about why Howard was looking at this particular goat.

The goat was looking at Howard. They both had the same looks in their eyes.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

The thoughts going through Niall's head were ones of disgust.

That itself is a strange sentence because this is a dream. So were Niall's thoughts going through his head within his head?

Who knew? There is no making sense of this story!

So Howard was in love with a goat. The goat was in love with Howard. Randy and Theresa seemed to have a shine for each other, making Niall a bit sad but that sadness was nothing compared to how much Niall was wondering what Randy was going to say.

But the weirdest thing was Howard and the goat!

What was going on, on this ship?


	6. Chapter 6

**Welcome back everyone. I must say, I'm surprised that people want Niall and Theresa to get together even though in my experience OC and Canon character is usually frowned upon. Also, it's a forgone conclusion that Niall is the loser. Also there has been a change of plans and the third dream story is going to be postponed until after a new story called "Day of the Psycho Ninja." Also, I'm working really hard to make sure Niall isn't a Gary Stu. Enjoy and review.**

**The Heck?**

How much longer was this going to take? Niall had seen Howard and the goat kissing, he didn't want to see it get any farther!

Of course that had been a while ago. Now, Howard and Theresa were talking about why it was taking so long with Randy. What was Niall's opinion? He thought that either this island didn't exist or there was some magic going that caused it go beneath the waves whenever someone came close to it.

For all Niall knew this could have been a wild goose chase, which he was happy with. Just as long as the goose didn't chase him!

Suddenly, he heard some humming. It was coming from behind him.

Turning Niall saw a twelve foot tall Holger Holgaart walking across the deck and then walking on air.

What?

No one else in this dream was giant so why was someone from a show that Niall was a fan of? Why were characters from shows and movies he watched suddenly appearing in his dreams? That had not happened since Niall was thirteen… Yes, he was only a year older now but still he didn't think high schools students should let fictional characters into their dreams.

Just something that his parents had forced into Niall's head!

Niall used to keep a journal. One day his parents took the journal, read it and forced him to sit and watch as they threw it into the fireplace. To drive this even further, they proceeded to cause him pain every day for three hours for a month.

His mother had taken a cruel thing to Niall: a rhinoceros hide whip that had come from Egypt during the reign of Gamal Abdel Nasser. His father would pour vinegar on the injuries caused by the whip. Robert would then mock Niall relentlessly.

These dreams were one of the few places Niall could retreat to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Watch out for the Bird Droppings!**

Things were getting weird. Well, weirder! Currently their ship was being rained on by bird droppings… And there were no birds in sight! Odd, you say? Well, what else is new?

While everyone stayed in their cabins, Niall was below with the goats. It was better off with them than up in the cabins… Especially since Randy and Theresa were together. Howard was doing… Something… Niall was keeping an eye on the goats to make sure Howard didn't try something shocking, disturbing or disgusting with any of them.

"Does Theresa even like me?" Niall asked the goats.

"Bah!" Apparently one of the goats had turned into a sheep.

"I mean I like her but she seems to like Randy and Randy seems to like her but I can't fight against Randy because he's one of the only two friends I've got." Niall swallowed nervously. "Randy and Theresa are the only two friends I've got. Heidi has always been more like an older sibling to me than Robert ever has… And Ken,.. He's kind of a switchy switch but he's kind of a nice guy to me now. I actually am rooting for him and Heidi to get together, the thought of her and Robert together makes me sick… I mean Ken and Heidi already act like their boyfriend and girlfriend so why don't they just get together already?" It didn't seem like Niall was as much in the world of his dream as he was using the goats and sheep as someone to talk to about his life. "Did I ever tell you about when I first met the Weinermans? I was four years old and I've always been shorter than Howard so when Mrs. Weinerman she went 'Look how little you are!' like I was a dachshund puppy or something. I was so scared I hid behind my mom who only pushed me back in front of her. Howard didn't show any interest me then, neither did Heidi… I've barely said anything to anyone my entire life. I can speak to animals fine, I can speak to myself but I can't speak to anybody without becoming a speechless thing. I say nothing to anyone… Who would miss me?"

"Bah!"

"You're right. I'd barely even be missed. Maybe I should just let Robert kill me."

"Bah!"

"You're right. Death from Robert would be long and torturous! There is nothing good about that! Maybe I shouldn't let Robert kill me. Maybe I should talk to Randy and Theresa about my predicament when I wake up from this dream." Oh, so now Niall was aware he was in a dream!


	8. Chapter 8

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**What Was All That?**

The two respective had come to the island… It was about the size of a large pool tale. They weren't fighting. They were trying to talk things out, get things done peacefully much to Bash's chagrin.

Ken held up a hand. "Ah, ah, ah! No way! There is three of us and four of you not counting all those goats on your ship! We should get more since there is less of us!" Bucky and Bash all chorused with "Yeah!"

"Oh yeah? Well we've got an excellent counter to that!" responded Howard. "Tell 'em, Niall!"

Everyone just looked at Howard like he was insane.

"Are you out of your mind?" asked Randy. "What's Niall going to say to them? 'Dot, dot, dot?'" Now that really hurt… But it wasn't that bad.

Everyone, save Niall, started to focus on Howard's idiocy. Really though… What was Niall going to say?

If Niall could have said anything it would have been "What the are those things? What kind of dream is this?" because of what he saw go walking? Floating? Whatever they were they went something by.

An anthropomorphic piece of purple toast with blueberry jam, a balloon and a bunch of other things that defied description!

Weird thing was, Niall was the only one seeing these things. If these were the kind of things that showed up in Niall's dreams then it just begged the question of what he would be like stanked… or if he could even be stanked! For all anyone knew he could have had some immunity since he had never been turned into a monster but really he was always keeping things bottled up so how could he when nobody ever knew how he was feeling. One of the few times he had ever shown emotion was during his mental breakdown when those killer chimps had been loose!

But then again Niall suffered abuse from his parents and his father was a Grade A jerk who bullied his little brother for his own entertainment! All of that abuse couldn't wasn't healthy! It couldn't have been if these things were showing up in Niall's dreams!

But it couldn't have been the abuse! People who don't suffer abuse have weird dreams to with strange things like this! What was going on in Niall's head?


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**An Empty Chest**

Eventually, everyone agreed that is was far for everyone to get an equal share of the treasure. Bash had objected but he had been outnumbered because he was the only one who objected to this.

Bash had standards and he knew when he was outnumbered. He was stupid not suicidal.

After some ten minutes they dug the chest up.

After some twenty minutes, they unlocked it.

After some thirty minutes, they finally got it open because it had rusted shut. Now how did that make sense? The lock didn't ruse but the rest of the chest had? Where was the logic in this? Was there even logic in a dream?

Well, by the time they had gotten the chest open everyone was shocked to find it empty and apparently someone else had gotten here first.

How did they know this? There were words written on the bottom of the chest.

What were those words?

"Biffy was here."


	10. Chapter 10

**Welcome back everyone. Well, I just made a heartwarming scene from the show into a heartbreaking one for this fan fic. Enjoy.**

**Why?**

Niall awoke in the nurse's office. Looking at the clock, he saw most of the day had gone by. He had missed lunch… He needed lunch… He had tried protesting his family's treatment once by going an entire day without eating only to find out that he gets a headache if he misses a meal… And yet he was still thinner than Randy!

Instantly, he went to the cafeteria. He shouldn't have but he did.

Upon entering he saw Randy and Howard doing… Niall had no idea what they were doing. What he also saw was Theresa holding a bouquet of flowers and looking at Randy doing whatever the juice he was doing! Theresa then sighed happily and walked away.

It didn't take long for Niall to figure it out. He had been Theresa's second choice at the dance in other words… She didn't feel anything in her heart for him, at least not the way Niall felt for her.

Sitting down at a table, Niall looked at the floor. The look on his face was one of sadness yet still he kept his feelings bottled up. That was not healthy! He just let out a little question.

"Why?"

And at that moment Robert's hands were around Niall's neck! No more killing Niall when no one was around! No more making it look like an accident! This time he didn't even care! This time, Robert would finally be able to celebrate being an only child! This time, his little brother would finally be on his way to heaven!

Niall didn't even fight back. He didn't even care.

Randy and Howard had stopped doing whatever they were doing and were left unsure of what to do. Go to Slimovitz? Slimovitz hated taddlers so this wouldn't end well and even if they were to go to Slimovitz Niall would probably be dead. And Randy couldn't turn into the Ninja Robert would probably see him do it! If they were to just attack Robert he'd probably just switch to breaking Niall's neck. There was no easy way to save Niall.

Then Robert stopped strangling Niall, although his hands were still around his little brother's throat.

"Let. Him. Go." That was Ken's voice!

"What's that got in your hand, Finlayson?" Robert asked. He felt something against his back.

"A tomahawk. I went home to use it on Randy for flirting with Heidi because I... adore her and for breaking Theresa's heart because she's a good girl. Thankfully, he apologized so I don't have to use it on him but you are another subject… 'Robert' and 'Niall?' Your parents should have named you two 'Cain' and 'Abel.'" Ken took a breath. "Now let go of Niall you pompous, obnoxious, spoiled brat momma's boy of a baboon!"

Robert let go of his brother and turned to face Ken. He really was holding a tomahawk.

"This isn't over, Finlayson! I will kill my brother, then I'll come after either you or Bash and his friends or these two dunderheads!" Robert pointed his right thumb at Randy and Howard. They were not happy with being called dunderheads. "Oh, and as for Heidi who you 'adore' with you gone, I'll make my move on her." Neither Howard nor Ken liked the idea of Robert and Heidi as a couple. Who would?

And with that, Robert left the scene.

With that monster of a big brother gone Randy, Howard and Ken gathered around Niall.

"Hey, Niall." Randy looked at the smaller boy. "You okay?"

Niall just looked right back at Randy. "No."

Everyone's eyes widened. Niall spoke!

**THE END**

Join me on Wednesday for "Day of the Psycho Ninja."


End file.
